restless.

my stomach has been hurting for two days. that sort of dull ache that feels like i either need to eat or yak, but i'm never sure which. ew. gross.

i just feel so damn restless.

i don't know how everything is going to turn out this semester. the concert. the be in. the board meeting.

it's 4:50 am and i still haven't gone to bed. my mind won't stop about all of this. what if this happens? what if this really happens? what if the policy is lifted? i wouldn't know what to do with myself.

god.

i need to meditate for an hour each morning. i need to fast. i need to be in the moment.

but my head is already in seattle. the semester is over for me and we have three weeks to go. but i want to be here. my mind already got on that plane, though. it's probably sitting with Bo in the backyard, barking at all of the fuckers walking by.

my heart isn't here. it hasn't been for a long time. i'm not sure where it went. maybe i left it in philadelphia. maybe it, too, is waiting for me in seattle. god only knows where it is now.

i want to be in a place with its arms out, ready to embrace. or even with hands on hips. heck, i'd take dangling arms at this point. just anything but crossed arms or limbs shoving away. that's all we get here. that's all we get.

basically, i need to dance.

grab the portable pole. i'm gone.