Friday, June 25, 2010

how many versions.

sometimes i wake up crying from dreams when i can't draw the line between images formed during REM and real life. i have a reoccurring dream where i see a car crash into a tree. when i run up to the window and look in, the driver is my mother, unmoving, eyes open and staring at me with trails of blood from her temples. the first time i had this dream in middle school, i ran downstairs and into her bed and put my fingers to her wrist until i felt an even pulse. whenever she was running late, i saw flashes of her bloodied face in the dream and called her in a panic to make sure she was still alive.

some days i believe that dreams are actually just portals into other dimensions.

i wonder how many versions of my mother have died in this way. and i wonder how many versions of myself have driven her to choose crashing into a tree over praying for her daughter's soul.

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